Getting Out of a Rut

It's been over a month.  The impulse to write and create in this space has flickered on and off, in small blinking ways since my last post.  However, the creative flash that I thought I needed was not pulsing through my mind.

While balancing a job (one that during the day, makes your body and mind tired) and trying to begin a new line of work, the impulse to create can be so hard to muster up.  My day job, while rewarding and fun (at times) in its own way, is not something that makes my heart happy anymore.  A long time ago, I loved that I felt valued and happy at my workplace each day.  Sadly, I do not feel that way anymore, due to a number of factors.  It is obvious now, more than ever, that I must make changes before I can no longer remember what makes me happy in being a hardworking, efficient, caring employee.

In simply getting through the day to day aspect of my job, it is seriously challenging to want to come home and do anything but shower, eat (if I have the energy), and put on pajamas and fall asleep on the couch.  The last thing on my mind is how to network to build a successful working relationship with vendors in the area, or researching the best floral wholesalers.  Thankfully, I have been afforded time to do these things, due to the winter break from school that I am currently soaking in.

I am still trying to crawl out of the rut that unhappiness can push me into, while internally dealing with the looming date that I need to go back to work.  It is hard to push for progress when I have such a sinking feeling that I will be shoved down once again by a hostile entity.  Honestly, it makes me scared for who I am turning into, because I do not want to be unhappy.  I do not like how I can be a huge downer when I have to talk about what I do at my workplace.  I want to be enthusiastic and happy, living with a passion for my work.  I am moving in that direction, just more slowly than I'd prefer.  I am patient.

Dear readers, whoever you might be out there, I have not vanished.  I am here, and I want to be the best choice for your wedding needs.  I'm learning, thinking, working, and practicing a liberal amount of self-care in order to be that person for you.

I'm not abandoning this ship.

Love and Light,

Alyssa